I am writing this letter to you today (on your due date) to share some of my feelings.
How on earth do you start a letter to your unborn daughter? A letter that I want to mean so much and I want to be sure to fill with amazing and insightful things for your future. I don't think I can possibly ever feel that this letter will be enough....so......
I will start with,
I Love You.
All my life I have longed for a baby girl. All my life I have had dreamt about not only pink, ribbons, and pearls, but of the bond I will one day share with a little girl. A little girl to call my own.
You are coming into a family and a world with arms wide open. You have so many people awaiting your arrival. Friends and family are constantly sending their best wishes and sending messages wondering when we will finally meet you. Your Daddy and I talk about how much things will change and how much more love we will get to experience with you in our lives. My little Kippy Boo, your brother, although he has been kissing my belly and loving on you for months now will no doubt fall deeply in love when he finally gets to see your face and hold your hand. His sweet and gentle nature, and the way he is so tender with everyone around him will explode when he realizes that he now has someone of his own to protect and love.
Although I have not yet met you, I feel like I know you. You were meant to be a part of this family. Nobody can prepare you for having a child. Nothing anyone can say or do can explain the love, the worry, the utter joy that children bring to your life until they actually experience it themselves. And I have to say....sometimes I question if anyone else in this world can really possibly LOVE their child as much as I love mine because I can't possibly love you or your brother more than I already do.
When Kiptyn was born I was a lost soul. Even though I had babysat my whole life and adored children, I had no idea the extreme "feelings" I would experience until I first saw him and held him in my arms. The love and passion I felt for him in that moment was so intense. Since then it has grown and grown and I cannot imagine my life without him. I love you so much already and it can be a little overwhelming to know that I have not yet experienced that "moment" with you and that when I do my heart will grow even more. It seems impossible that I am able to Love even more. But I do know that it will happen very soon, and I want to hold onto that moment forever.
We are going to meet any day now...on your terms. I know that when you are ready you will come earth side and meet us. I am beyond excited for that moment to arrive but I will also wait until the moment is right and let you lead the way.
Your birth will be very different for me than your brother's birth. With Kiptyn, I was surprised to find out that he was breech and that I needed to have a c-section in order to bring him into the world. I grieved for the loss of empowerment I would have to birth him into the world. I wished I could change that reality and have had the birth I had always envisioned. I wished that he would have been able to come when he was ready and that his birth date would be the birth date that he chose. I realize now, that the way it happened was the way it was supposed to be. Because of the c-section, Kiptyn and I had a hard time with feeding in the beginning. Our struggle also became our biggest strength. Our biggest bond.
This time, although I have hopes for a regular delivery and I have set up everything possible to make that happen, I know that whatever happens and however it happens, it will be perfect. It will be your story. Whatever we go through together, I promise to be strong and to take care of you. I have no idea what it will be like to be in labour. I have no idea when things will start to happen. I have no idea what you look like, and I have no idea what your name will be. This too is all part of the journey and part of the excitement.
Little girl, my little Birdie, we are waiting for you with so much love. Your Daddy, Brother and I have so much love to share and I have no doubt that you will surpass our expectations with the love that you will return to us.
Part of me feels like a vulnerable little girl today. In this moment of unknown, I find myself teary and emotional. I want everything for you. I want to be able to give you everything you need (physically, emotionally and spiritually), and yet be able to be strong enough to let go for you to fly on your own one day. I will do everything I can do for you and your brother to have that, this I promise.
All my love,